{"id":22,"date":"2006-05-10T23:06:41","date_gmt":"2006-05-11T07:06:41","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/keithpaugh.com\/?p=22"},"modified":"2006-05-10T23:07:41","modified_gmt":"2006-05-11T07:07:41","slug":"all-about-wooly-mammoths-as-far-as-i-know","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/keithpaugh.com\/?p=22","title":{"rendered":"All About Wooly Mammoths As Far As I Know:"},"content":{"rendered":"

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Wooly Mammoths lived a long time ago here on Earth, before dogs and rabbits but after the dinosaurs were gone. They lived in the North, which used to be a lot bigger and had some men with spears in it.<\/p>\n

The Wooly Mammoths did not have mobile phones, so they had to use walkie-talkies or complex hand signals to communicate across vast distances.<\/p>\n

Humans and Wooly Mammoths were almost the same except humans had thumbs and were more idealistic and Mammoths had a highly developed sense of irony and sarcasam, which we got from them at a later date.<\/p>\n

The Wooly Mammoths had poor table manners, but they tipped well.<\/p>\n

The Wooly Mammoths were great bargain hunters, but usually purchased goods and services which they did not need or especially want, except as fleeting interests.<\/p>\n

The Wooly Mammoths were fond of gross generalizations and lewd puns, usually at the expense of The Giant Ground Sloth or some type of flightless bird.<\/p>\n

When in familial groups, the Wooly Mammoths derived a good deal of humor from farting, and enjoyed seafoood whenever they could get it.<\/p>\n

The Wooly Mammoths enjoyed the sun but had a hard time getting up in the morning.<\/p>\n

– Jay Ryan<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Wooly Mammoths lived a long time ago here on Earth, before dogs and rabbits but after the dinosaurs were gone. They lived in the North, which used to be a lot bigger and had some men with spears in it. The Wooly Mammoths did not have mobile phones, so they had to use walkie-talkies or […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-22","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-texts"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/keithpaugh.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/22","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/keithpaugh.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/keithpaugh.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/keithpaugh.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/keithpaugh.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=22"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"http:\/\/keithpaugh.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/22\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/keithpaugh.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=22"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/keithpaugh.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=22"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/keithpaugh.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=22"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}